Sunday, October 01, 2006

Really Mean Men

Considering it's Sunday, I should be commenting on only the sweet, spiritual and devine. Something light and uplifting. But that's not possible today, so feel free to wander on if you aren't in the mood for a rant. I'll understand.

I've written before about the problems with Grandgirls Mom, so will not rehash it. Since the baby was born, and we dodged a bullet, she has been diligently working to get her life together. Diet and exercise, she conscientiously cooks, cleans and takes care of her children. I can't ask more of her, and yet she even took one more positive step and enrolled in college, with classes to begin in January, and started counselling (in which she gets the same advice I give her, but from a stranger, which apparently holds more weight... I'm really not jealous, just commenting. Really.) She has not completely broken off with the scum sucking degenerate nasty monster that provided the sperm that created her kids. They are linked by the phone line, a phony umbilical cord snaking across the state. Now that she's removed herself from his physical battering, he uses the phone to beat up her mind.

Last night, with me, Pap and Princess here to babysit, she was invited out by some friends. One of the things her counsellor is pressing is the need to have friends in addition to family as part of her support network. She dressed up, fixed her hair and happily left with a group of the nice young people she used to hang around with before scum boy. She came home (sober) around 2:00 and talked about how much fun she'd had. And then the phone rang... minutes later she was sobbing. Again.

Me? I'd never tolerate anything she's been through. I'd hang up the phone, slam the door in his face... do what I had to in able to remove this kind of poison from my life. She thinks it's her fault (hence the need for a counsellor). We might as well be standing on two different planets. As for him - death is too good for mean, abusive, nasty men. Part of me knows that the divine has a way of taking care of these kinds of monsters and I should let this anger go. But the other part wants to be there when it happens, I want to see him suffering as much as he's made her suffer.

While I'm ranting: crashtest comic - of COURSE the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is a tourist trap, if it was'nt, we'd call it a museum. Jeesh.


Ordinary Janet said...

She really ought to get a new phone number so he can't call her. It'll take a while for her to pull herself away from the guy, I wish her the best. Meanwhile, it must be hell for you to watch.

Talking about tourist traps, has anyone ever been to Mt. Rushmore? I was expecting it to be sort of a reverent place, color me surprised when the road to the park was lined on both sides with souvenir shops. I'm so naive.

Kat Campbell said...

Aren't we all Janet? Naive that is! I know what you mean about Rushmore, I felt the same way about Niagra Falls.

Jackie's Garden said...

Kat, I can only imagine how helpless you feel in this situation. They just can't 'listen', until they can 'hear'. At least she's getting counseling.

Today....I would also "hang up the phone, slam the door in his face" -but I have to admit, there was a time in my life when I would have been susceptible to that kind of relationship.

What I've observed is that with age, women get self confidence, security and strength. And when we have those - we don't allow the toxic ones in our lives.

Good luck with turning your anger "over".

Kat Campbell said...

Thanks Jackie, it's frustrating, but she was raised by me and will eventually find her true strength.

Gela's Words said...

I feel the frustration and it's not my daughter. Hopefully one day she'll wake up and realize that she's better off without him.

Kat Campbell said...

I'm sure you're right gela. Hopefully that day is soon.

Sunflower Optimism said...

Yes, Kat, it has also been my experience that advice from a stranger holds more weight than that of a parent. Why is that?

Here's hoping she will continue to get her life together - maybe her children will inspire her. I'm wondering if a local organization for victims of domestic violence would be able to give you some helpful advice/insight in dealing with the situation as the parent of a victim?

Deflect your anger into helping your daughter and grandchildren. That will cause the scumbag BF more grief than being angry would.

Kat Campbell said...

Thanks for your input Sunflower. We're all rallying round her as well as she'll let us.

Guyana-Gyal said...

I hope and pray she grows in confidence, self esteem and one day, she can leave him on the wayside.

There's a book you can give her as a gift, it's called The Woman's Book of Courage, it's really, really easy to's written by a psychotherapist, Sue Patton Thoele.

tony said...

Mt. Rushmore, Niagra Falls, Leaning Tower of Pisa and the Eiffel Tower are all the same. It just doesn't matter where you go there's always someone trying to make a buck.

BTW..."scum sucking degenerate nasty monster that provided the sperm" is a classic that I will have to steal from you.