Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Inevitabilities



Grandgirls with their witch dummy from this past weekend. This was the first time they'd ever made a halloween dummy. Let it never be said that I don't pass on some quite valuable life skills to future generations.

I have a Murphy's Law kind of life. If the lid is going to fall off the salt shaker, it will be when I'm using it. If a tire is going to blow on my car, it will be during an ice storm when I don't have my cell phone. I've lived long enough that this is now acceptable, and I don't sweat it.

I spent yesterday running around doing a laundry list of annoying errands accompanied by Pap who is still crippled from his surgery so it took twice as long to do everything. No big deal, one of the errands was to the doctor to get his helpless bandage off and a walking cast on. Yay! Things were going smoothly, aside from the pounding headache that also kept me company all day. Just as we were wrapping things up by dropping his car at the shop to have the gas tank replaced it started to sprinkle. Still not a big deal, I had plenty of time to race home and put the cover on my leaky roofed car.

I'd piddled around doing house chores, checking mail... all that stuff you have to do because you're a grown up, while it started raining buckets outside. I took a bath and settled into the library with a book I'm editing and then realized I had one cigarette.

There are addictions, and then there is my addiction. Before I smoked I chewed my nails, before that I sucked my thumb. I'm a perfectly rational human being until I run out of cigarettes. I was wearing this very tacky t-shirt I've been sleeping in since I got it 10 years ago, it has one of those torsos in a bikini painted on the front, and the sweat pants I've also had for 10 years that are paint splattered, bleach spotted and overall raggedy. These are my comfort clothes, big, baggy, stretched out, non-fashionable - but comfortable. I wasn't thinking about what I was wearing while I contemplated my options. Mistake number one.

With Pap's car in the shop and mine under cover because of the rain, I had to wait for Princess to get home so I could use her car. She of course picked this night to stop on the way home for a capachino with friends, so by the time she did stroll in, even the cats were in hiding. I snatched her keys out of her hand, threw on some shoes (mistake number two) that were laying by the door and raced down the post midnight, dark, abandoned streets to our convenience store. When I arrived the store was empty, the clerk fetched my sanity sticks, I went to pay her and realized that I had no cash in my wallet and the checkbook was laying on the desk at home. Knowing that the bottom of my purse is always littered with misc. receipts, random earrings and change, I decided to dig around in there to get the necessary amount instead of going home for the checkbook. Mistake number three.

While I shuffled and dug and piled change on the counter people were wandering in, half way to reaching my goal a line had formed behind me, cranky people tapping their foot and sighing loudly. Eighty cents from completing my transaction I realized I'd emptied the well. I was frantically searching pockets of the purse, between the folds of my wallet, and under the flaps of my day planner, when a neatly manicured, male hand dropped a dollar on the counter. "That ought to cover it." The masculine voice said from beside me. This was when I knew that Murphy's Law was written just for me.

I never leave the house without my hair done and make up on. I'm goofy, but I love clothes and I'm normally very organized. I hold an elected position in town (the day job), so EVERYONE knows me, which is why I generally make a point to appear put together. I've been attempting to get a small business loan for my publishing company from our one and only bank. Most of the paperwork is done, it wasn't a cut and dried thing because it is a privately owned bank, the board can take any risk they want, turn down any project they want. The board was already a little nervous about my loan because publishing is a tough business, and we're so new. But, most recently they'd been leaning in my direction by virtue of my reputation as a professional.

The good samaritan was the president of that board. When I looked up to thank him, he was looking at me the same way you'd regard a roach in your tuna sandwich. He did the scan and scowl from my head to my feet... upon which were Princesses monkey slippers - the ones with the cute monkey faces slightly covered by their cute monkey middle fingers. That's when I remembered I also wasn't wearing a bra, and I was buying cigarettes. Oh well, our little company doesn't really need the debt.

26 comments:

sandy said...

Ok kat!!!I could shrivel and groan for you but you gotta laugh! Surely he could see his damsel really was in distress and surely the monkey slippers alone would have made him smile.
Just say you were having a "dress down day" or "living in character" for one of your novels. :-)

You must tell us what happens.

Annie said...

Send the bank board president this story and I'll bet you get the loan.

This was great, simply great!

I remember my own addiction to nicotine. It was my worst nightmare to run out of cigarettes.

Stacy said...

I am laughing so hard! Murphy's law also seems to rule my life. I would so be the person to see everyone I know the one time I run to Wal-Mart late at night looking like hell. In fact, I have been that person. I hate Murphy.

Smythe said...

My god! I understand your pain!!LOL!! More than you can know! Simply put, I am happy I gave up the little white sticks 8 yrs ago. However, during periods of great stress-I have given in to a week or so of bliss-only to have to withdraw again. Ahh--why do they have to be so bad for us!? I do think you will still get the loan, though--they will probably think you REALLY need it!

Velvet Sacks said...

Kat, this post is hysterical, but I'm so sorry it happened to you. I don't smoke (I tried, but it didn't look "cool" the way I did it), but I've gone out looking pretty bad in a Diet Coke emergency.

Jackie's Garden said...

Oh, Kat, I've heard some good reasons why one should give up smoking - but this beats them all! ROTFLMAO I knew where you were going with this as I was reading it. Being a smoker myself, I've gone out dirty, half dressed, sick, whatever, if I was out of cigarettes. Always knowing that it was the ONLY thing that would make me go out like that. I'm still laughing thinking about you having a monkey on your back, and on your feet!

tony said...

Kat, that is hilarious. Great post. With your pups hangin' down and monkey slippers buyin' some smokes. Classic!

Limpy Lady said...

Kathy,

I may borrow from your description of how to make a perfect impression in an imperfect world. I find it amusing at times to provoke some ridiculous observations by others. The folks that know me have come to ignore these attempts at personal glorification in the worst way.
Go with the flow but rise above it and not go with it. The only ones to remember that day ten years from now are not worth your anxiety.

Limpy Lady

DaveM said...

Great post and a good laugh, murphy's law can be a sod but it always there. As Annie said sent the guy a copy of this and I too wouldn't be surprised if he changed his mind. Kat after all you are a creative artist and eccentricity is part of the territory.

Catch said...

Oh Kat this is too funny!!!! I loved it, and I run around the same way!!! And I even have one of those shirts!!! LMAO. Im always going to the store in my slippers, no bra... I hate bras!!! As soon as I get home from someplace I take mine off so the girls can relax. lol. And that princess...is that your daughter? I have a princess too, shes 23. When you talk about your princess it reminds me of mine.

Sunflower Optimism said...

LoL, Kat! Yes, I think you should give Mr. Banker Man a copy of this post, when you return his $1. (You do want him to think you are a good credit risk and that you pay off your loans, don't you?)

Sunflower Optimism said...

Duh, ninny me - also wanted to tell you your grandgirls are beautiful! They look so happy.

Ordinary Janet said...

That sounds just like a situation I would find myself in! Nice to know I'm not the only Murphy's Law victim here. Why is it when you go into a deserted store dressed less than nicely, it starts to fill up with people you don't want seeing you in the state you're in? I always wondered that-if I have some kind of homing beacon that attracts people to see me in an unflattering light.

J. said...

OMG!!!
*snort*
I'm sorry ... I can't stop laughing!!!
And it seems we're all Murphy's Law Victims.
You're in good company!

Kat Campbell said...

Sandy - he looked about as amused as Scrooge before the visits from past, present and future. But explaining it away as trying to get in character is an excellent idea!

Annie - might be worth a try, atleast I didn't use his name in vein anywhere!

I'm not overly fond of Murphy myself Stacy.

Smythe - I hope you're right, and my sympathies for your nicotine less existance. If I didn't have to suffer, I could quit.

Velvet - You're so lucky that you didn't get addicted! If I could do it over again, I wouldn't even start.

Jackie - Funny! Monkey on my back and on my feet...

Thanks for dropping by Tony, I think (Pups? Hmmm... usually known as "girls" around this joint)

Limpy Lady! How nice to see you, you're right, in ten years nobody will remember this but ME!

davem - thank you for calling me eccentric instead of goof ball.

Catch - somehow I knew if anyone else would have one of those shirts it would be you! I'm not even sure who I got it from, probably a wedding shower prize or something. It's so comfortable! Hideous... but comfortable.

Sunflower - Thank you for reminding me! Jeez, in all the embarrassment I completely forgot that I need to run a dollar down to the bank! Oh... thank you about the grandgirls, they are happy, they have lots of people that love them to pieces.

I know Janet, it happens to me all the time! Nobody at the restraunt until I get in there. Murphy. SOB.

J. - Lucky for the 3 stooges, Martin and Dean, other people's misfortunes are funny!

Cindy said...

And I thought I had a bad day...

Caribbean Colors said...

OMG I have the same outfit, except the crotch is ripped out of the sweat pants now, but that doesn't stop me from wearing them. I'm not allowed out of the house wearing them. Supergirl reminds me sometime... Mom, you're dressing like a clown again. (grin)

Kat Campbell said...

Ah Cindy, tell me about yours, it will make me feel better!

CC - if I had given Princess a chance to even see what I was wearing, she'd have tackled me in the driveway. Thanks for coming by!

Just Tom said...

Well, I guess you did get a loan from the guy after all! You got one dollar. Great Murphy's law story extravaganza. Love the imagery. It made me think of a Lucille Ball situation comedy.

Also wanted to let you know that Tom's Challenge #5 is on so drop on by!

Thanks for the entertainment! Tom

Gela said...

You remind me of a co-worker I had and now friend. Was always so cheerful even when things weren't going her way. After I got all hot and bothered about something, I'd sit and wonder if I should try harder to emulate her.

Anyway Kat, you need to update your Gela link, ok?

Kat Campbell said...

Okay Gela, what am I updating to? Never mind I'll go look.

Guyana-Gyal said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh Kat, this is hysterical.

The real Kat's been let out of the bag!!!

I recently rushed to town with some really bad clothes to pay the light bill...even the poorest of the poor were better dressed. There was a mud smear too on my tattered tee-shirt.

As a matter of fact, what I'm wearing right now does not classify as 'clothes'...one ratty ol', short kaftan, frayed at the hem.

Melli said...

Ohhhhhhhh that would be SO me! Of course, I do often put myself in that kind of situation! We have a little mom & pop place down on the corner -- matter of fact it's run by the town mayor! I've been known to show up there in my jammies! Well... LOTS of jammies just look like shorts sets these days! ... but then sOMe DON'T! hehehe... surely there are worse things to be than a cockroach... dontcha think? (by the way... I hope you're not editing this... ooooh! nightmare!)

Kat Campbell said...

GG - I'll have know that the REAL kat is always dressed like a fashion model, that was my evil, nicotineless twin.

Melli - I make it a personal policy NEVER to edit my friends.

Gela's Words said...

Ohmigod! That's soooo funny. Hehe. I didn't read the entire post earlier. I stopped by and read the 1st two lines but when I saw how long the post was, I decided to check back and read when I'm more comfortable. This is hilarious Kat! Hehehe.

Yeah, I know how smokers turn into a different person when they can't get their fix.

MERT12345 said...

Kat we were just talking about the good oldays of comfy clothes! lol your to much and I miss yah