Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Jeff Foxworthy on Ohio

From time to time I convince myself that I'm far too sophisticated and worldly to continue living in this small town in Ohio. My wisdom and sense of style is lost on these bumpkins.

Then I'll hear something about rednecks from comedien Jeff Foxworthy, who I not only find funny, but more often than not suspect of stealing material by eavesdropping on my life. Now he's really gone and done it.... "You might live in Ohio if....

Comedian Jeff Foxworthy on Ohio: You may be from Ohio (pronouncedah-hi-uh) if:
> a. You think all Pro football teams are supposed to wear orange! Except us stylish, sophisticated ones, we think all pro teams wear yellow...go Steelers!
b. You know all the 4 seasons: winter, still winter, almost winter and construction.
c. You live less than 30 miles from some college or university.
d. You know what a buckeye really is, and have a recipe for candy ones. It just isn't Christmas without 'em!
e. "Toward the lake" means "north" and "toward the river" means south."
f. You know if other Ohioans are from southern or northern Ohioas soonas they open their mouths.
g. You can spell words like Cuyahoga, Olentangy, Bellefontaine,Tuscarawas, Wapakoneta and you know which letter is doubled in Cincinnati.
h. "Vacation" means spending a day at Cedar Point in the summer and deerhunting in the fall.
i. You measure distance in minutes. Hey! How else do you account for delays by deer?
j. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
k. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
l. You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
m. You know what should be knee-high by the Fourth of July.
n. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example:"Where's my coat at?"
o. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
p. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
q. You carry jumper cables in your car. Doesn't everyone?
r. You know what 'pop' is.
s. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
t. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
u. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightgown.
v. The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for sports. We insure our kids get their 15 minutes of fame early.
w. If you actually get these jokes -- then forward 'em to your OHIO friends.

1 comment:

landdownunder said...

I live way further than "toward the river" and yet I know, what! should be knee high by 4th July,
do not even like it.
Except for one time whilst eating with friends on "The Hill"